Why am I afraid to sing?

“This is about more than just singing, isn’t it?” he said, as he stood sheepishly next to my piano.

“Yep,” I replied with half a grin. “Now, let’s try again and this time, see if you can notice your breath enter your body before you make the sound.”

A punk singer in his late 30s, with long greasy hair and jeans actually torn from wear, looked back at me with childlike eyes. His gaze expressed both bewilderment and hope for the moment. What I was asking was quite simple, but we both knew it would take every ounce of his being to make it happen.

He shuffled to align his posture, shook out his hands and stared at me with determination as he took a deep breath… the kind that makes your belly get big. After a pregnant pause, his voice followed the five note scale I energetically played to accompany him.

“Yes! That!” I shouted.

With a shocked expression, he responded, “Whoa. Really?”

“Yes! Let’s do it again.” I said, before he had time to give it a second thought.

This time we synchronized our inhalation and as he exhaled, the same thing happened again. A profound sound. Thanks to experience, I knew this was possible, but what came out of his mouth was something neither of us had ever heard before. Despite the years playing noisy clubs and the residue of too many cigarettes, this sound was clear and untethered. More importantly it was absent of the hiding and self-doubt reflected in earlier scales.

We both looked at each other, excited and overwhelmed.

Singing is risky, isn’t it?

For some, this is cause to lean in, but for others, the prospect and pressure of it all can overwhelm, literally closing our throats. This isn’t just because of a superficial desire to “sound good”, but because, like my friend shifting nervously near the piano, we have a deep knowing that, “This is about more than just singing, isn’t it?”

But what exactly is at stake?

When you sing, you form a deeper connection with your body.

Singing is somatic. It is a physical act of coordination. Making the sound with more freedom, beauty and ease is about becoming more coordinated. To do this, you must first notice your body, befriend it, and trust it. This may be especially difficult, if like many, you were given the message that your body is a source of shame or even danger.

But this simply cannot be true. Your body is inherently wise. A truth teller, as it is home to the whole of your unique experience. Each cell carries with it the written memory of who you are and what you’ve been through. If your story includes trauma, this is particularly salient, as science continues to unravel how traumatic experiences become lodged in your physiology and carry the potential for dysfunction and disease. In simple terms, this can mean things get stuck or stop moving. But, science also continues to discover that working with and through those experiences may simply require moving our bodies.

Remember, singing is about coordination, and coordination is about movement. When you make a sound, you engage a complex system of muscles, ligaments, tissue and cartilage. In doing so, you may be asked to confront the physical memory of your shame, self-loathing and trauma. But, as you offer your unique sound and vibrate the whole of your being, you will also uncover the possibility of sound health, freedom and fundamental change.

When you sing, you move your body and therefore heal the wounds of your past.

When you sing, you hear your body and discover the sound of a new you.

When you sing, you develop a deeper understanding of yourself.

Each time you use your voice you offer the world a sound it has never heard before and will never hear again. You declare to the world, “Here I am!” and as the cells of your body remember your experience, so does your voice tell your unique story.

You can’t help it! It is in the DNA of every sound you make.

On some visceral level, you already know this.

There is a vulnerability that comes at precipice of every note.

“Will it sound good?”
“Who will hear?”
“Do I matter?”

More than just your story, your voice is the vibrational manifestation of your thoughts and ideas. It is how you communicate who you are and who you believe yourself to be.

This is where things get complicated.

Have you ever had the experience of hearing a recording of yourself and felt shocked by the sound? Nasal, raspy, breathy, rough…a flurry of disappointing adjectives may have rushed to your mind upon first listen. “I don’t sound like that,” you quickly assure yourself.

But the truth of the matter is that you do sound like that. It just sounds different than what you thought. Realizing this can be existentially unnerving, enough to shut the whole operation down. Alternatively, it can be a call to curiosity and self-compassion.

“If I sound like that, what does that mean about who I am at this very moment?”

“If this is my sound now, what possibilities might there be for the future?”

When you sing, you offer yourself as you are, right here, right now. This is not without risk. You may have a history of rejection and predict the next sound will yield the same. In fact, you may not even like who you are as evidenced by what you hear. But, the good news is, each and every sound you make carries with it the possibility of who you will become. When you sing, you share with the world the truth and possibility of you, and that has the potential to be met with love and acceptance.

Truly hearing your sound may be scary, but sharing it will inevitably lead to deeper connection.

And isn’t connection what’s really at stake?

When you sing, you feel more connected to the universe.

While your voice carries intrinsic value because it is uniquely you, it’s ultimate worth lies in how it connects you to the whole. Your sound is one of a kind, but it is not singular. In a very real way, it is an essential voice part in the universal choir, and if for some reason your part is missing, the whole piece will sound off. On the other hand, if any of our voices becomes too loud, it has the potential to drown out the others.

There is a feedback loop to self-expression. Singing in particular, first, emphatically declares your presence and willing participation in the vibration of the universe, and second, inquires which part needs your unique contribution.

To get an answer to your inquiry, you must sing!

You must listen to your voice with curiosity, compassion and grace.

You must share with others what you have discovered, therefore, inviting them to do the same.

You must contribute your unique sound to the music of us all.

And when you do, you will discover that your voice is much more powerful and beautiful than you could have ever imagined.

Now, let’s try again.

This time, see if you can notice your breath enter your body before you make the sound.