Telling your voice story to let it go

When I started offering voice workshops a number of years ago, I often began by asking participants to take some time to write the story of their voice. Frustratingly to them, I would not give them much more instruction, but just offer that there was no expected form and “You’ve got 10 minutes. Go.”

This became a signature exercise because I realized quickly how powerful and unusual it was for all of us to connect with our voice in this way. What would emerge would be poetry, prose, narratives and songs that somehow connected the dots of the voice as an embodied instrument and a metaphor for showing up, being heard, communication, expression, creativity. Our lives!

Inevitably people would share tales of their childhood, being told they should be quiet or that they weren’t good enough. Failed auditions, or public mistakes. Further, people would end up sharing about significant trauma, much of which might seem indirectly connected at best to their voice, but something in their life that made them feel silenced, quieted, shut down, or no longer able to express themselves freely.

And even if what the other participants shared was entirely outside of our individual experience, inevitably everyone would nod while listening, sharing a deep knowing.

Similarly, one of my favorite things to do in my one-to-one virtual voice coaching work is the hear the story that a new client offers about their voice. Often in our first session, I’ll just give the prompt: “Tell me about your voice and what brings you to connect with me, now?”

In response to that question, I’ve heard everything! And, I know how valuable it is, not just for me to hear what the client has to say, but for them to make their own connections in this intentional way. Usually if they’ve had voice coaching or voice lessons before, they will have a litany of technical issues that they believe they need to fix. They’ll say things like “Well, I’m really bad at breathing and my last teacher told me I sing from my throat.” or “My posture is horrible and my sound gets really nasal.”

If they’ve not done much individual work with their instrument, there is a good chance that something has recently happened that has propelled their desire to pursue voice work. Maybe they quit their job, or had a health scare… possibly even a vocal injury has brought them to connect with me. Maybe someone close to them died, a divorce, or they’ve recently had a spiritual awakening.

Do any of these scenarios sound familiar to you?

Regardless, what they all… I mean, what WE ALL share in common is that these stories about our voice are inevitably about our experience as humans. If you know much about me, you know that I don’t see this work as just voice work… I see it as life work. We are not just voices, we are whole humans. A constellation of stars and stories and I’ve learn over the years that we need desperately to tell these stories… so that ultimately, we can let them go.

Here’s the thing:  Everyone who comes to the noble work of one’s voice, wants change.

Regardless of their story, they will express that something feels off or wrong. Something feels stuck, inauthentic or untrue. Something feels tight or constricted. Not easy and certainly not free.

And to me, this is the good news. The ability to connect with that, because if you feel that, especially in your body, it IS true! As a coach and teacher, I trust deeply that knowing in you. But what I also know, from many years of experience is that your story can cloud that knowing. 

Phew. This is where things get confusing and exciting.

See, I love your story. Remember, I said hearing it is one of my favorite parts of my work. But, what I love even more is affirming your story and then helping you deconstruct it because it is often just… a story. And the only reason I know that is because of how you sing. 

Ten out of ten times, the sounds I hear in one’s voice when they sing will carry a much bigger narrative than the meaningful, yet small story they’ve told me. While your mind may prioritize the impact of being told to be quiet, or feeling like something has completely shut down, injury, or being “bad at breathing,” I always seem to hear the possibility of freedom, ease, authentic expression and human flourishing. This isn’t because I’m naive, or even an optimist, it’s because I’ve heard stories like yours before. I’ve watched them unravel and come undone.

I’ve heard people realize that the old coach was wrong about “singing from their throat.” I’ve seen people learn to exercise compassion for the little one who didn’t get the part in the play. I’ve seen people realize that they chose law school instead creativity because of the small story their parents handed them. I’ve heard people overcome the doom and gloom of vocal injury to find a a new voice emerge. I’ve known first hand the societal pressures around identity and how that can inhibit your unique and wonderful sound.

I’ve accompanied many on the path to liberation from old stories and I’ve learned that the only way to the change that we all want, is to tell our story and then LET IT GO.

Tell it and let it go. 

Tell it again and let it go again.

Over and over until you join me in seeing something much bigger.

The purview of possibility.

Of freedom, ease and honest expression.

A story of self-acceptance and new creation.

The most essential and true story of your voice.

Don’t let it go unheard and don’t cling to it.

LET IT GO!